Bring an editor the Ten Commandments and they'll take out one.
--cartoonist Lee Judge
As repressed sadists are supposed to be policemen and butchers, so those with irrational fear of life become publishers.
--Cyril Connolly
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the universities stifle writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a best-seller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
--Flannery O'Connor
There are three kinds of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics.
--Mark Twain
People commonly use statistics like a drunk uses a lamppost: for support rather than for illumination.
--Mark Twain
By "recursive" I mean "defined by recursion."
--Harvard's Prof. Sacks
The number of protons within the observable universe is estimated at about 1078 , and the number of photons, 1088... These numbers are absurdly large! Who ordered this many protons anyway?
--A. Zee, Fearful Symmetry
If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure.
--Dan Quayle
What a terrible thing it is to lose your mind, or not to have a mind.
--Dan Quayle
Bores can be divided into two classes; those who have their own particular subject, and those who do not need a subject.
--A.A. Milne
Be vewwy vewwy quiet!
I'm hunting wabbits!
--Elmer Fudd
Whaada maroon!
--Bugs Bunny
I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family pride is something inconceivable.
--W.S. Gilbert, The Mikado
M'enfin!
[Oh man!]
--Gaston Lagaffe [André Franquin]
Music played, and all eyes-- not all of them in their sockets-- turned to him.
--Iain M. Banks, Use of Weapons
It seems as if heaven had sent its insane angels into our world as to an asylum, and here they will break out in their native music and utter at intervals the words they have heard in heaven; then the mad fit returns and they mope and wallow like dogs.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
When I fed the poor, they called me a saint. When I asked why are the poor hungry, they called me a communist.
--Dom Helder Camara (archbishop of São Paulo)
When you are weary of praying, and do not receive, consider how often you have heard a poor man calling, and have not listened to him.
--St. John Chrysostom
You have a gun
You have a gun
You have a gun
You can have a gun
You can waste them all on my poor body
And I am hungry
Because
I am hungry
Therefore
I am hungry
You can have a thousand bullets and even another thousand
You can kill me one, two, three, two thousand, seven thousand times
But in the long run
I will always be better armed than you
If you have a gun
And I
Only hunger.
--Otto René Castillo
What America does best is to understand itself.
What it does worst is to understand other countries.
--Carlos Fuentes
Remember, Suns are better than Macs because a Sun does a lot more damage when you throw one.
--Mr. Protocol
(David Herron's .sig file)
Felices los españoles, para quienes beber es vivir!
[Happy are the Spanish, for whom 'to drink' is 'to live'!]
--Roman saying
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change... the courage to change the things I can... and a red Ferrari.
--Mr. Boffo
What do you get when you play country music backwards?
You get your girl back, your dog back, your pick-up back, and you stop drinking.
--Louis Saaberdra
If you say a modern celebrity is an adulterer, a pervert, and a drug addict, all it means is that you've read his autobiography.
--P.J. O'Rourke
A man must pay the fiddler. In my case it so happened that a whole symphony orchestra often had to be subsidized.
--John Barrymore
America is like a melting pot: The people on the bottom get burned and the scum floats to the top.
--T-shirt contention
The thing that scares me the most about wrestling fans is that they can vote and they can breed.
--Wrestling manager Bobby Heenan
You can't use tact with a Congressman! A Congressman is a hog! You must take a stick and hit him on the snout!
--Cabinet member, 1906
A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
--Robert Frost
As a nation we began by declaring that "all men are created equal." When the Know-Nothings get control, it will read "all men are created equal, except Negroes and foreigners and Catholics."
--Abraham Lincoln
My ancestors were Puritans from England. They arrived here in 1648 in the hope of finding greater restrictions than were permissible under English law at that time.
--Garrison Keillor
Oh, it's so easy to be sweet to people before you love them.
--Dorothy Parker
If you sacrifice poker for girls, don't expect them to show up. They'll only show up for a man who wouldn't dream of sacrificing poker for girls.
--John Huston
If people could see the inside of my brain, I would be in prison.
--Camille Paglia
That man says women can't have as much rights as man, cause Christ wasn't a woman. Where did your Christ come from? From God and a woman. Man had nothing to do with him.
--Sojourner Truth
A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.
--Gloria Steinem
Imagine trying to attract a penis on purpose.
--Hothead Paisan [Diane DiMassa]
