English As She Is Spoke vs. Babelfish!

In 1855 two Portuguese translators, José da Fonseca and Pedro Carolino, produced an English phrasebook so unbelievably bad that it was reprinted for half a century as a masterpiece of hilarity, under the title English as She is Spoke. Paul Collins of McSweeney's Books has reprinted a selection from it, and it's well worth picking up.

I thought it would be interesting to compare Fonseca and Carolino's translations with Babelfish's... consider it a test of the capacity of artificial stupidity.

The first line in each paragraph below is the original Portuguese (modernized in spelling so Babelfish could recognize it); following are what the Portuguese actually says, the English as She is Spoke translation, Babelfish's version.

Barriga cheia, cara alegre.
A full stomach makes for a content face.
ES: After the paunch comes the dance.
B: Full, expensive belly glad.

É provável que já Vm. componha algum discursozinho em francês.
Probably you are already giving some little speeches in French.
ES: Do you compose without doubt also some small discourses in french?
B: It is probable that already Vm. composes some discursozinho in Frenchman.

Zombo deles; o meu navio é armado em guerra, tenho equipagem vigilante e animosa; e as munições não me faltam.
I laugh at them; my ship is armed for war; I have an alert and courageous crew, and I have plenty of ammunition.
ES: I jest of them; my vessel is armed in man of war, i have a vigilant and courageous equipage, and the ammunitions don't want me its.
B: I jeer of them; my ship is armed in war, has vigilant and animosa equipage; e the ammunition do not lack to me.

Ainda não é tempo delas; mas os damascos brevemente estarão maduros.
It isn't the season for them; but the apricots will soon be ripe.
ES: It is not the season yet; but here is some peaches what does ripen at the eye sight.
B: Still it is not time of them; but the damson plums briefly will be mature.

Este lago parece-me bem piscoso. Vamos pescar para nos divertirmos.
This lake looks full of fish to me. Let's have some fun fishing.
ES: That pond it seems me many multiplied of fishes. Let us amuse rather to the fishing.
B: This lake seems me well piscoso. We go to fish stops in amusing them.

Já não sei como me hei-de haver com esta casta de gente.
I don't know what to do any more with this sort of people.
ES: I don't know more what I won't with they servants.
B: Already I do not know as have-of having me with this chaste one of people.

Vamos mais depressa. Nunca vi pior besta. Não quer andar, nem para diante, nem para trás.
Let's go faster. I never saw a worse animal. It doesn't want to go either forward or backward.
ES: Go us more fast never i was seen a so much bad beast; she will not nor to bring forward neither put back.
B: We go more fast. Never vi worse crossbow. It does not want to walk, nor forward, nor stops backwards.

Seja a quem for que pergunte por mim, dizei-lhe que não estou em casa.
No matter who comes asking for me, tell him that I'm not at home.
ES: Whoever which ask me, tell him that i am no in there.
B: Either to who it will be that it asks for me, you say to it that I am not in house.

A cavalo dado não se lhe olha para o dente.
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
ES: A horse baared don't look him the tooth.
B: The given horse if does not look at to it for the tooth.

Dando uma queda Philippe, rei de Macedonia, e vendo a extensão de seu corpo impressa na poeira, exclamou: "Grandes deuses! Como é acanhado o espaço que, neste universo, ocupamos!"
King Phillip of Macedon fell down, and seeing the outline of his body in the dirt, said, "Good heavens! How small is the space we take up in the universe!"
ES: Philip, king's Macedonia, being fail, and seing the extension of her body drawed upon the dust, was cry: "Greats gods! that we may have little part in this univers!"
B: Giving a Philippe fall, king of Macedonia, and seeing the extension of its body printed in the dust, it exclamou: "Great deuses! As the space is bashful that, in this universe, we occupy."

Certo ferroupilha pedindo, em Madrid, esmola a um sujeito, este respondeu-lhe: "Tu és moço, e melhor for a trabalhasses, que exercer tão vergonhoso mister." "Meu senhor, acudiu o orgulhoso mendigo; eu peço-lhe dinheiro, não lhe peço conselhos."
A beggar in Madrid accosted a passerby, who told him, "You're a healthy young man; it'd be better for you to work, instead of taking up such a shameful profession." The proud beggar replied, "I asked you for money, not advice."
ES: A beggar, to Madrid, had solicited the pity of a passenger. "You are young and strong, told him that man; it would be better to work as you deliver to the business who you do.-- It is money as i beg you reply immediately the proud beggar, and not councils."
B: Certain ferroupilha asking for, in Madrid, donates to a citizen, this answered to it: "You are young, and better it will be you worked it, that to exert so shameful necessity." "Mine Sir, rescued the proud beggar; I ask for money to it, I do not ask for advice to it."