DFC #467
Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc.

And to think I'd assumed "bridle party" was a typo.--Gen. Sedgwick
Bil was jealous. He'd never been able to drain the batteries of his Stepford Babes.--Ken
"Well, this clinches it. I'm through with Ritalin!"--Heath
Thrown out of seven weddings today! Man, that's a new record!--Mr. Ben McClellan
Naw, he doesn't mind us going first. All he cares about is his foot fetish.--Bad Girl
"Now THAT was a FART!"--Tie Boy
"Vini, vidi, boinky!"--Stan Xhiao
Flintstones Chewable Viagra!! Goddamn, I'm king of the fucking world!!!--Chutney
Bil wasn't sure what he had interrupted, but he wasn't truly surprised either. A month at a Tijuana surgeon could change anyone, and if a twenty-pound cock under his wife's dress was the price to pay for a few weeks of guilt-free golf, he had no regrets. Besides, he'd have fucked Dolly too if he could get it up.--Wiggy
When asked why he felt compelled to drink, the subject began to feverishly sketch the following scene. When complete, he simply gestured at it, grunting incoherently for a few moments, before finally breaking down in tears.--aa
Well, THAT should keep 'em for a while!--zen
Bil always held firm is his stance against product placement in the Family Circus. Then one day, the RealDoll people changed his mind.--Chip Future
Bil surveyed the scene for a moment, then turned the light back off.--zen
From Cowles: No.--zen
"Actually, that went much better than the rehearsal."--Helder
"I didn't even know they could excommunicate us from a wedding."--Helder
sigh - I always cry, get plastered, and screw anything that moves at weddings.--NME--
Boy, daddy barely made it...I bet that's the last time he gives up child molestation for lent.--Les Miserables
Libra: It's a good day to stick your hand in a light socket. Your aroma is sufficient to stun people within 10 feet of you, and that's why your dog gets more sex than you do. A loved one may have an eating disorder.--Ken
"I hope that settles what I'd be the god of."--Matt Miller
"Let's just say they won't be slandering the Five-Petals-On-Deadly-Sunflower stance again."--Monkey Punch
"As my father held me, I looked up and saw the world framed in a rectangular window, and I felt the strong yearnings for a far away home for the first time." - Perpendicular Junction; Sitting in the Corner of the Circle - PJ Keene--TomF
While Bil is on vacation, today's panel is drawn by 7 year-old Federico Fellini.--scoob
"That was the bestest A.A. meeting EVER!"--Agent Mario Knob
"You know, if all the females in our family were laid end to end...I wouldn't be surprised."--Stan Xhiao
And that's not all I learned from my Austin Powers doll!--Horselover Fat
Page 771 of the Necronomicon made even the most insane cultist lose his lunch.--Svingen
"The chocolate pumpkins are nice, sodomizing the Wiccans is nice, but dad says its dragging the heavy wooden cross from door-to-door that gives you the real meaning of Halloweaster!"--The Pony (fixed)
"THAT, my man, is the difference between fucking and having sex."--Lt. Dan, shamelessly stealing from aa
It was worth the eighty bucks for Ricky Martin tickets just to get the girls horned up.--Judgement Night
This cartoon, dubbed "Keane's Hat Trick," led to defamation lawsuits from Modern Bride, Boy's Life, and Hustler.--Helder (salvaging Pete (salvaging Coalcracker))
"Oh man, what a haul. We're gonna make a fortune from the ovary fairy tonight!"--chimp
That was the best bris EVER!!!--Doc Evil
"... and that's why I'm the best man and you're just a ring boy."--Helder
"One more wisecrack out of you, Joey, and I'll pop you in the kisser! Now let's go get Dean and Sammy and blow this joint wide open!"--Stan Xhiao
Bil Keane was hand-picked by Courtney Love to illustrate her childhood memoirs.--Vinegar Tom
I'm telling ya, Broom-Hilda only married Opus so he wouldn't get deported back to Antarctica! They'll be divorced within six months, a year tops!--agm
I finally did it! All ten comandments in one day!--Mr. ?
"And that's why I'll be president someday!"--K-Man
"No matter how many times they repeat it Hagar's anniversary just gets better every year"--The EXXXorcist
"All right, we're done with 'em. They're all yours, Barfy."--Buoy
"Told ya I'd get the fucking bouquet!"--Torc.
Boy, if Bil keeps 'faithfully re-creating the world around him' much more, we may just get a visit from our friendly Child Protective Services agent soon.--WJS
"He's been there for over an hour, and he still hasn't figured out that we just tossed the shade on top of the coat rack. Thank God he's not my birth father!"--Hang Lose
"That cop was such a dick! Like nobody else has 'crime scene picnics?'"--Hang Lose
Damn! I guess women shouldn't handle Propecia tablets!--Bill
"That was the best birthday party ever! Funeral? Really? Well, it still rocked!"--Westur the Unspeakable (salvaging Magus)
Here in the Keane household, Billy screaming "They're really fucked now!" could mean one of ten billion things.--Phat Cheops
"And that, my young protege, is what Secretaries' Day is all about."--Phat Cheops
"Well, I didn't spike the punch, but I did pee in it. An' that's still like 30% alcohol, anyhow."--Hang Lose
"Great motel room furniture today, Dad...me and bac-o-bits are gonna check out the thousand magic fingers!"--Stan Xhiao
So much for that church!--Mr. ?